ADHD Storytime - Planners

This is a quick fictional story based on my personal experiences with ADHD. If you can relate, then welcome to the club! You're not alone!

My gosh. Everyday it just feels like I got absolutely nothing done. I wake up at 6:30am, do my start day crap, and then I trudge through my work day, do family stuff, clean, bedtime stuff, and lay down just feeling way too unaccomplished. Why don't I hop online and see how I can fix this...

Goes down a 3 week rabbit hole of mindsets, planners, and self help videos.

Alright, decided on a planner. It's got everything - check ins, reminders, daily task list priorities, habit builders, start of day and end of day questions. I absolutely cannot wait to start this tomorrow!

Day 1

Okay it's 7am, let's start filling this thing out. Awesome, that only took 15 minutes and I got my whole day organized!

Now it's the end of the day. I got most things done, filled it out. Good day.

Day 2

Man, this just doesn't feel like something I want to do today, but I'll do it anyway. It helped a ton yesterday, so got to keep on riding this train.

I really don't feel like doing the end of day. You know, I'll do it, just be honest. I barely got anything done on my list, but I know I did a lot. Maybe I'll try something a little different tomorrow.

Day 3

Part of my problem yesterday was that all my tasks were large or sucked. So let's fill this thing up here with ideas and things I want to do, and break the larger stuff down. Yeah, that was fun!

So... my list tripled through the day, and I checked off a whole one thing. There's no point in doing the nightly check in. Oh well... try again tomorrow.

Day 4

These questions at the beginning of the day and affirmations are dumb. I'll just skip this, it's been like 45 mins and I still haven't filled out priorities and tasks. Finally, after an hour, it's all done. Keep going, build the habit.

... lays in bed, remembers about the planner. Ignores and goes to sleep.

Day 5

Let's make this less overwhelming. Let's pick 3 things only, let's ignore the questions, habits, and schedule. Perfect, fast and simple.

And now again, nothing got done, I actually have like 23 priorities, and my task list is spilling off the page... not a single thing marked off. What the heck man?!

Over the Weekend

Why didn't this work? Maybe I need a different planner. I had a really successful first day, but everyday just seemed to get harder and harder to do anything. I don't feel like I've made any progress.

Maybe I need to make my own... yeah, that works for me. Let's make it stupid basic that not even an idiot could mess it up.

Spends 4 hours creating basically a task list planner that looks very similar to the one bought earlier. Feels accomplished.

New Planner - Day 3

Alright world. This ain't working. Worse than before. Maybe I need a whole new methodology. Let's go back online, there's GOT to be something that works for me.

Spends 2.5 weeks searching for a new one and orders it.

Week 1

You know, I am impressed. I've been highly productive all week thanks to this planner. I am really starting to think I am getting the hang of this. Sure, not everything is getting done, but I get to see what I do get done. I am okay with this.

Week 2

I've had to dumb down this planner like 8 times now. Only half of it is filled out. Somehow, my task list is nearly uncontrolled. Just everyday the tasks double, triple, sometimes 10x. Maybe it's my job. It's just not meant for a planner.

Week 3

Oh right, this stupid planner. I didn't do anything with it this week and I feel amazing. This worthless piece of garbage, I don't know why I ever thought it was going to help.

1 month later...

Okay, I feel like garbage at the end of everyday and I need to get more organized.

Repeat this process for nearly two years.

Then one day...

Something just ain't working here. I've tried the planners so many times, I just give up. I should stop wasting money on it.

Now I am at work. I have blankly stared at this screen, and poked around far too much, and I haven't done a single actual thing in like 3 days. I know there's things to do, but I either lock up or can't remember. I want to start doing a planner again... but something didn't click before.

Let's go back to basics here. I ain't doing nothing at work anyway, might as well do this. Okay, let's make a list of what is on a planner, and what it's for.

• Priorities - things you are supposed to focus on or need to get done
• Habits - things you're supposed to repetitively until it becomes second nature or required of you.
• Schedule - To keep you on track and not forget appointments and meetings.
• Affirmations - puts you in a positive mindset for the day

Back up a second before I continue... I already see a trend here. I am not writing what I am thinking. Let's be honest with myself for a second.

• Priorities - are meaningless. I end up doing other things that I actually am interested in rather than what needs to be done... and the only thing that bothers me is the consequence... when it actually happens.
• Habits - are boring. Why can't they be fun? I get bored, I lock up, and then I don't do them.
• Schedule - I mean in theory this should work, but I have to first remember I need to do a thing, then remember to put it on the schedule, then remember to look at the schedule... yeah I'd be surprised if I made it past step 1.
• Affirmations - work only in the moment. I'll have 35 thoughts in the next 3 minutes and I am no longer affirmed.

Hell, no wonder this didn't work. I can't even comprehend the concepts here... there's not actually a system built for me at all. Everyone is attempting to sell things catered towards ADHD, but like... that's not how ADHD works.

In fact, I am starting to realize that all I am trying to do is operate like everyone else when I should know by now, I can't actually do that because I am not wired that way. What a circle. Then I judge myself for not being "normal." Well enough of that. I'll be much happier just doing things my own way, consequence or not.

No society, I ain't normal, and I can't be. So suck it. We'll take it day by day.

The end. Thanks!