Death, Grief, & God

Death is never something easy, and we dread it our entire lives. No matter how much you learn to accept it, it will return. One day, it will return for you. And every time you face it, it will remind you of everyone that you've ever lost. The essence of grief is one that will never leave you. You only learn to live with it. It's something deep within your soul. It is something you gain in place of what you lost.

You will be angry, you will be sad, you will be uncontrolled emotionally. You will doubt your faith, as you prayed and begged for healing and it went unanswered. You will blame yourself, you will regret not doing something earlier, and you will chip away at your entire being piece by piece, hoping that something will hit that nerve and make it something you can fix... but death is beyond all. It's at the end for us all... where we begin again.

Desperately, you try to cling on to a burning candle that will eventually go out. You surround yourself with pictures, things, and memories and try as you might to let them go, there comes a day when the memories turn into questions. They become foggy and unrecognizable. Those pictures just become images. Those objects just become things. What once gave you peace as you gazed upon them and kept in your heart fade away. Grief begins to set in differently.

When you consider it in your mind and dwell on it, this side of Heaven becomes almost worthless. I think all of us at one point in time have questioned if what we're doing is all worth it... and to some degree, the way we grew up and the way we live in today's society, there's a lot of it that isn't.

Then comes a point where your heart and sorrow settle, but the grief still remains. You continue and move with life, and letting grief remind you of love, because one all is said and done, even memories don't last forever; but love endures.

As we read our Bibles and grow in our faith, the Lord often shows us so much through his word. Often He will bring you back to the same books, same words, or same sections of the Bible to show you something new. It's a never ending and growing relationship. He is good, and He shows it every day.

This might be the point if you know your Bible where you may be confused. If you've ever read Ecclesiastes, or at least heard about it, you know most of the book is this teacher, maybe Solomon, who tries everything he can in life to live by the world, yet is only reminded that it's all temporary. It is vapor and we all end up in the same place, like the creatures of the earth - in death. He attempts to answer the question of "what do we do then?" The answer is to live for God, enjoy life and enjoy the peace through the Lord. While it is packed with great advice, great knowledge, it is constantly defeated by death.

Honestly, it's one of my favorite books of the Bible because it reminds me that I am not the main character of life. I am just like everyone else. In the end, I will die, and eventually, I will be forgotten on this earth. My body will whither away, my heart will stop beating, and the physical will either become ash or be buried and return to dust. Those who held me dear in their heart will also one day pass away. All the art, work, writings, and good deeds will one day be lost by time.

What doesn't ever change is God. Eternal. Unaffected by time and corrosion.

It has been placed upon my heart though, that Ecclesiastes can be read much differently. If you've ever experienced grief, the last book you probably want to read is Ecclesiastes in that light. You lose someone who felt so important to you, who gave a light no one else could, and put some sort of "completeness" to your soul, even if you didn't realize until they were gone... you probably don't want to read about how life feels meaningless and you need to live for God.

My friend, if you are in the midst of heavy grieving right now from a recent loss, that's probably not the right move. Grief is blinding, and at first, it will taint everything around you.

Once the grief begins to settle, use grief as a lens to read through Ecclesiastes again. There are a lot of hints in that book that maybe... there may be a possibility... that this teacher was faced with death, experienced loss and the grief that comes with it. In that heart wrenching experience, this person sought to fill their lives to the brim with everything they could, only to realize that death humbles us all one day. It may not be that they were simply seeking knowledge, but they were trying to replace the experience of death with something else, and he learned there isn't anything that death can't take away from you on this earth; your toil, your wisdom, your friends, family, your joy, your money... and in that midst, you find God is the only thing that is unaffected.

While even Jesus who conquered death and gave us a path to salvation and a direct connection to God and the Holy Spirit to comfort us through our lives did not escape it... no, in fact He embraced it.

John 11:35 - "Jesus wept." The shortest verse in the Bible, often used to show us the relatability of Jesus, and how He also experienced death and it's pain here on earth. Let's be real though; we often feel comfort in that, but we also tend to gain frustration, because Jesus knew the Lord had the power to do anything, and that the Lord would work through Him to raise Lazarus. There is a possibility that maybe Jesus knew He could raise him from the dead.

There are many who will also talk about prophecy, foreshadowing, and all of those great things about this experience... but look a little deeper here.

Lazarus was ill, and Jesus was not there, but was informed of his illness. He spoke these words -

This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it - The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Jn 11:4.

You already know the story here. You know what eventually happens. In fact, he tells them a few verses later of Lazarus death.

Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him - The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Jn 11:14–15.

I think there's an important lesson for us here; we can believe all that we want and have all the faith in the world, but it is God's Will that overtakes all. In this case with Jesus, God's will was to allow Lazarus to die so Jesus could raise him again.

When He does, it's interesting... I will use the KJV here for this particular verse because of the way it portrays the situation.

Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it - The Holy Bible: King James Version, Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version. (Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 2009), Jn 11:38.

In other translations it uses "deeply moved" or similar wording, but the KJV uses "groaning" and this shows Jesus' grief here on display. It was moments ago "Jesus wept." He's not just happily walking to grave ready to pop Lazarus up from the dead. In fact, in John 11:4, He told them the illness wouldn't lead to death. No, instead Jesus' has faith and trust in God's will and purpose, despite his frustrations. Obedience and faith at it's finest, at some of the worst points in life, when sorrow and anger may overtakes us. We don't know God's will and purposes for why things happen, but we should trust Him anyway.

Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me." - The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Jn 11:40–42.

Here I would like to point out something very specific. We often say here that Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. Even in the ESV it says "Jesus Raises Lazarus" as the section title. However I would like to take a second to challenge that; read the verses above. Where in that verse does Jesus actually perform a miracle? He never lays hands on Lazarus. His faith you could say was what raised him, but God ultimately performed this miracle, and it was through Jesus' faith and request that He did so. Jesus did all of His works to glorify the Father, and this was no exception.

 When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice... - The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles, 2016), Jn 11:43.

Look at that; "he cried out" - that's faith in the midst of pain my friend.

Moral of the story; give it to God. Even in the worst of situations, in death, loss, and the subsequent grief... give it to God. Have faith.

One may ask the point of life; why are we here and what purpose do we serve? Hence the title of this section. I don't believe that the use of seeds in many of parables was solely meant to relate to those of the time, but also because it would not fade with time. Over two thousand years later, we still have plants, seeds, and all that is natural here on Earth, along with the man made structures.

In death, we often refer to it as flowers dying, lights going out, or moving on. These references are accurate. However, think about flowers for a second; they aren't alone nor does a flower just simply die. As a flower grows from the ground, it releases pollen, and whether by wind or bee or something in nature, it pollinates into something else and spreads.

Our lives serve a purpose like this. God is our earth and the sun who feeds us and the ground for which we root our lives. Without either of those things, we whither and just die. When we are connected though, God will fill us with what we need to grow. Once every season or so, being fully grown flowers, our cores are ready to do what they were meant to do, and it happens - all naturally, by the circle of life or whatever you want to call it. The flower withers in extreme weather, and a season of death happens. Then a season of growth. Then a season of pouring out. Such is life; a cyclical and natural occurrence. Death is a part of that too.

What I offer you in the way of advice here is to connect yourself to God. Don't just get closer to Him, don't just study His word, but become connected with your creator and all powerful Lord and Savior. Know Jesus so He can put that line in and bring you roots. Let the Holy Spirit root you down and guide your flower to bloom. Ground yourself in Jesus, your one and only way to God.

Why? Isn't there work to do, lights to spread, pollen to release? If that is your question you missed the point. Flowers do not do any work. They use the sun and soil to grow. Nature does the rest, and each way looks different.

Bees will take pollen from your flower and they fly far away with it. You will never see what becomes of it, but it creates food for others, a sweet nectar for growth, and honeycomb for new life.

The wind will take your pollen right out of you and blow in the wind. That pollen will eventually land in some grass somewhere, blooming new flowers. It could literally end up anywhere, and as a flower, it wasn't likely that you just had one little spec of pollen floating around, no, you had a ton. Beyond your stagnant space where you do not move, you have grown flowers unknowingly around the entire area; some close by that you can see, others that you will never see.

As a flower, you also contain natural beauty, of which others will lay eyes upon. They may even take you home. You may be a daisy who turns into little pollen stems, and you get to watch the joy of a child's face as they blow it all off of you. You sometimes get to light up an empty patch of grass with color, or sometimes be in a field of color with other flowers.

Such is your life. This is why Jesus would preach about being the salt and light of the earth. You allow God to help you grow, you root yourself in the everlasting soil, and you will receive the water of life. Out of that wellspring, you will be a vessel filled with the Father's love pouring out of you, kindness flying off to distant places, and creating beautiful things you will never see.

It was never about what you could do my friend... "So also faith by itself, if it does not have have works, is dead." James 2:17. Your works are the results of your faith, of your filling up by God, and that overpour and seasons of spreading; that's your works. Don't be fooled by those who simply tell you that you must perform works to have faith. God works through you, that's the point. Not that you work for God. When you do work for God, it's accomplishment, it's goal reaching, and it's temporary, because it's about you. When God works through you, it's about God's glory and power. You may be the hands that do the work, but you've been fed and filled with love, love that came from Jesus. That love reflects God onto others.

Sorrow doesn't come any stronger than in the form of death. It will challenge everything you've ever known, it will make you question all your choices, and it will send you in several emotional tailspins. You will be misunderstood, all your imperfections will shine through, and there will be periods of deep emptiness and isolation.

This is all perfectly normal. If you're grieving though, a statement like that doesn't help at all. Knowing your faith may be falling apart in the sorrow does not work to fill the restless and hurting soul. That piece of your heart is gone from this life, and even though you know Heaven awaits, it feels like it's going to be forever. Even years later, that pit of darkness still remains, that sorrow bleeds into the rest of heart, brings you to tears, isolation, and pain all over again.

We all would love to have the faith of Jesus; to be able to cry and mourn over a lost friend or family member, and just obey and keep moving on. Some of us also wish we were able to raise the dead... but alas, we are of little faith. Our faith, understanding, and connection to our Lord is not that of Jesus, but Jesus provided us a much greater award than our ancestors; the peace and direct connection to God through Him, by the Holy Spirit, which includes an eternal place in Heaven.

Still... it doesn't fill the emptiness. It doesn't repair the soul. It doesn't stop the bleeding. It doesn't cure the poison sting of death. Even though, you know it should.

This is where faith looks a little different. Upon hearing Lazarus had been dead for four days, Jesus did not happily give thanks to the Lord and drop to His knees and love the goodness of life. That's what we think perfect faith looks like and it's just not the reality of how we are made. Jesus is our example, let's look at the Lazarus story again, to see what faith actually looks like in practice.

When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled - The Holy Bible: King James Version, Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version. (Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 2009), Jn 11:33.

He "groaned in the spirit." He did not rejoice, He did not preach "The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!" He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. Two verses later, He wept. Depending on the version you read, he was "deeply moved" or "groaned" to the grave.

Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me. - The Holy Bible: King James Version, Electronic Edition of the 1900 Authorized Version. (Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 2009), Jn 11:41–42.

Even in His prayer to the Father, He did not thank Him for death. There was no rejoicing in what took place here. He did thank the Father for listening, and asked God that He raise Lazarus for the purpose of people recognizing the Lord's glory through Jesus.

Faith does NOT mean "happiness and joy." It does not mean "constant calm and peace." It does not override the human experience of emotions, pain, suffering, and grief. You will experience sorrow and hurt, loss and regret, and all the terrible things in between. Such is life, faith doesn't change or alter any of that. The whirlwind and storms of life will always happen.

Faith is a deep trust in Jesus. Faith is a connection to God. Remember in Matthew on the boat, when Jesus walked on water? He didn't calm the raging storm; He walked through it to the boat. Peter, despite the fear and all, hopped out of the boat too, after asking Jesus to allow him to do the same... and his faith in Jesus allowed him to walk on water until he took his eyes off Jesus.

That's what our faith should look like. Through the sorrow, through the pain, anger, and rocky waters, we should trust God, know that whatever He has planned is good for us, and ask Him for the faith to get through it. Eyes on the Lord, despite what you're going through.

Our experiences and suffering in us does produce fruit. Again though, that doesn't mean we get off free from pain. "Suffering" does not imply a happy and awesome time. A joyous occasion it is not. What it does do, is help refine us, like silver. We are put through the fire, tested by the flames, and we endure until we become silver.

At that point, we can begin to heal, repair, and live life past all of it. None of that is easy though, and remaining faithful through the tough times is hard. It was never meant to be easy though. When we take it in our control... it looks and feels great to us, but we visibly show others exactly where our hurt is. We tend to take on the personality of our lost ones, coat our houses and phones in photos and memories, and constantly remind ourselves of them, and feel sorrow because we are afraid of letting go. We feel it's personal, unique to us, and tend to shut out others and find others that validate the way we feel.

None of that is what we should be doing though... because it only prolongs the process, prevents us from healing, and we slowly start taking our lives away from God in the meantime, thinking our ways are better than the Lord's, or simply that we don't like the way the Lord works. We must remember though; our lives and the very reason of our existence belongs to the Lord, and Him alone.

It is okay to be reminded of our mortality, our stance with God, and to feel the things we feel. Our faith endures through all, or at least it's supposed to. We shouldn't fill the void with things of this world, we should fill it with Christ. Let Him guide us through the pain, so we can come out on the other side looking a lot more like Christ than we were before.

Remember though, how you felt during your own loss. You can't shortcut someone to the "good parts" or "lessons learned" with any kind of advice or anything. When you're in a deep state of sorrow, you are unreachable by words and actions. You are only able to be connected to. I am sure you'll probably recall in a loss those that were there for you, that helped you through it, and maybe they weren't that helpful, but they were there, connected to you, dealing with all your crap, and loving you. That's what we need.

It's all about faith and moving through - not moving on. Love gets us through it all. Whether it be the Love of Jesus, or the love of a friend, or the love of family.