Manager Advice #3 - Toxicity

Well hey, my workplace isn't toxic, so I don't have anything to worry about. - someone's famous last words.

We all know there's leaders who aren't the greatest that are making it up the chain. Naturally, you might ask yourself how you fix that. Sadly, you don't because you can't. You often can't even provide feedback without risking your job. Why? Because the very second you accuse another leader above or beside you of being toxic in anyway, you have just turned your visibility from good to crap.

You also probably have worked with at some point... some terrible people. The guy who argues too much. The guy that always does something wrong. The person who won't teach you and takes work from you. The "you're always doing it wrong" coworker. The complaining dude that just never shuts up (that's me sometimes, if we're being honest). Now as a manager, you have to recognize that. One bad apple can poison the bunch, but it isn't like it's out of your control.

In today's market, you likely aren't staying at the same place until you retire, if you even retire at all. Even if you're happy now, leaders change, you move companies, your company gets bought out, etc. etc. - things can and will happen. Adapting is one thing, but dealing with toxicity is another. Over the course of a career and lifetime, I guarantee you'll encounter some sort of toxic people or culture.

Let's dive into certain situations and how to handle them.

Let's start out by just saying this; toxic employees often aren't actually toxic. There's just something going on. Sure, we know there are some, but there's different kinds, and learning to identify them and deal with them in certain ways can be extremely helpful.

Poor leaders and executives, well they don't put up with it. Most managers don't either. Here's the thing though; don't remove your heart from the situation. The business will survive, it isn't that important. These folks, regardless of behavior are people with lives, depending on this job most likely for everything they need to survive. Not only that, but usually employees don't come toxic, but rather they become toxic. Which means there's a source. That's where we're headed here; to identify what that source is, and enable and help folks to be less toxic.

I actually want to stick a few types in here so that it isn't some blanket "identify the situation and deal with it" post or training that HR is going to give you.

Insert the "how to deal with conflict" slide show here

The Toxic Complainer

Every interaction with this person is a complaint. All the time. Simple tasks? Complains about load. Help someone else? Complains about being reliable. How's your day? Says everything that went wrong. It gets... rather exhausting over time. It feels more like a beating than them actually being productive.

However, it affects others. This person's complaints will change the attitude of others. Folks will start thinking "well yeah, this does suck" and they'll start forming opinions based off the negative emotions. Or they'll just feel drained from listening and interacting with them all day. It isn't a healthy place to be.

Often people become complainers for two reasons; they are unhappy where they are at in general, for some reason. A lot of the times it's money, but we'll get to that later. The second is that their complaints are valid, but they don't feel heard.

THE WORST thing you can do, is write them off as toxic and ignore them. It's a time bomb waiting to explode. The next worse thing is label them as toxic and fire them.

You deal with complainers in two ways -

• Rectifying that root cause, after you find out what it is
• You listen, and act upon some of the complaints

Here's the key thing though; you don't have time to babysit and work out complaints all day. You do though, need to initiate it, and show this person not only do you hear them, but you're reacting to them. After that point comes across, start enabling them. When they complain, ask them "what can we do to fix it?" and then put it on them to make the change, backing them up as needed.

The Toxic Defensive Person

These folks are the most dangerous to the team and to you. They don't just say stuff - but they actively work against whatever is happening; whether it be the people, the team, the process, or the customers.

Also... your reaction to the defensive nature of a person sets precedence. If you write off and defend the person, people get the wrong idea that typically shows the team you don't care about them. If you just ignore it, confidence in you begins to drain away. If you take rapid consequential action, it puts everyone on a tight rope.

Obviously the first action is to talk with the person, try to understand what's happening and get them off the high horse they are on and back to reality. Let's be real though... most of the time, this doesn't work in the slightest. This is where HR really comes in handy. You need to follow the process. Document the cases, give warnings, build a case, and give them PLENTY of warning of what will happen if it doesn't stop. Eventually, it may come to a final warning or termination, but it's better than the alternatives.

This is not an easy one, but it will happen.

The "Excuse" Employee

This is the last I'll do for this section and we'll move on. You typically know these people, they exist everywhere. Always absent. Always skipping meetings and get togethers. Never making real progress. Doesn't take on half the load of others. Usually it's also paired with obvious talent and potential, otherwise they'd be out a job pretty quick.

These folks are often like this not because of laziness, but rather disengagement. They know they have a job, but they aren't passionate about what they're doing. They know they have work, but it doesn't feel important enough to prioritize. Sometimes honestly, this person may just have a ton going on in their personal life, and they either need time or guidance on how to achieve good balance.

This is where accountability and visibility often sits. This is one method of dealing with these employees. They might be this way for you, but they won't be like this with others. Instead of being the face of a project they're on, put them in front of project managers and other leaders. Make them communicate updates.

The other way may seem detrimental to a team, but we want them working more... yeah? Let's dig into what they actually want to do, and what's available. Let's get some work on their plate that they really want to do.

The idea here is adding visibility, and setting expectations. You get to do cool things, well you also get the added responsibility. You have work that needs to be done, so you're going to feel my pain of the delay and lack of updates.

If they got personal stuff going on... just help where you can.

Final Employee Thoughts

The whole point here is to not resort immediately to warnings, PIP's, and canning folks; first have a heart and dig to the root of the problem. Most of them are absolutely fixable, you and them both just need to work at it to make sure you get there.

The #1 reason people leave jobs is simply because their leader sucks. Sure as an employee, often you can work around it, look past things, and carry on with your day, but as a manager it becomes a huge part of your success. Managers, Directors, C Levels, etc. - they're all chain linked together. The higher you are, the more chains that are attached.

Awesome... so as a manager, what do I do if my leader sucks? They are toxic... what do I do?

Let's hold on a second before we get into the meat. It's really important to separate style from toxicity. Separate the person from the job rather. Part of being in leadership isn't just "getting other people to get things done." No, in fact it's almost more valuable that you mesh with those around you. Here's the thing though - sometimes things appear toxic when they aren't, and sometimes that just boils down to personality. You may be a laid back person, and your boss is a strict, scheduled, military type dude that doesn't operate like that. It may feel toxic to you, but you have to take the time to understand and work with a leader like that.

Look, there's plenty of non-toxic leaders that just don't vibe well with the employees, or maybe even specifically you. There are many times where the leader is doing the best they can in a terrible situation and it's not them at all. Let's talk about what toxic leadership looks like.

Examples of toxic leadership -

• Vague explanations of what to do, but very heavy consequences. ("Make this vague thing for me or you'll be in trouble")
• Poor listening skills. If your leader won't listen, acknowledge, or tends to sidestep issues, that is a true sign of a toxic leader.
• Too Involved. This is not micromanaging, but rather they're involved in the direction of your team so heavily that you cannot make decisions at all.
• Numbers. Metrics, numbers, cost... yes they're important, but if they are the driving factor despite conversation, that's a problem.
• No feedback, only demands. Also known as "one way communication."
• Everything is a crisis. If your leader is constantly changing priorities based on things happen, this is also a problem. It may not be specifically from your boss, but crisis is created from the top down somewhere. It might mean you're in a toxic environment rather than a toxic boss.

Examples of crappy situations that are NOT often toxic leadership -

• You feel unfulfilled and miserable. It's likely not your boss, but rather the work and purpose of the work. It feels like your boss, but your boss isn't in your head. Most leaders recognize this and can help fix it.
• You feel like you're doing more crap work than real work. This doesn't indicate a toxic workplace, it's just some processes that need fixing. A leader can actually help fix this if you surface it.
• You don't feel like you're learning/advancing. 60% of the time this is happening, it's on you. It's likely that you want to move, but you're not trying to. You're just expecting someone to say "WOW. Look at all the work this person is doing, they deserve a promotion" or you're just straight asking for a raise or promo. That's not how the real world works. You need to be asking how, why, and have a path.
  • The other 40% of the time, it is likely HR; not your leader. Your boss wants to promote you and keep you, but HR says no. No budget. No "business need." Capped at people with the title you're seeking.
• Pay discrepancies. You want to be paid appropriately. However, the days of "hard work" and "loyalty" to get money is dead. Companies often don't pay you per position, they just increase your base pay at a cap. So if you started somewhere making 60k, got promoted 3 times at 10%, and are now making 83k, but your position on the market is 100k, you probably won't get that jump at your current company - aka, if money is your goal, you probably need to get the experience at your current company and leave.

There’s many more, but as a leader you need to recognize what’s in your control, and be very transparent about it; that’s where the visibility comes in. It's okay to tell someone "I can ask for more money, but I don't think HR will approve. I'll try my best," or "HR has my hands tied, they claim there's no business need for a promotion." The company will hate that, but being truthful and honest in trying is the best you can do for folks. People will remember that and vouch for you.

Great, well what do I do if I truly am under a toxic leader?

You may think "well I am not a quitter" or "I can change this somehow."

Bad news - you normally can't.

Your best feedback to toxic leadership is leaving. Why? Leaders need people to accomplish things. If those people keep disappearing, then you have less people and the company has to dump a lot of cash and resources to hiring or promoting new people. This makes everyone up above spotlight that leader and say "what's happening?"

You might think you can go above them and what not. Let me tell you... that almost never works, and ends up putting the spotlight on you instead of your toxic leader.

Often a poor leader has a team of people who feel stuck, so their poor leadership is seen and felt by the employees, but to leadership, all they see is the team's wins. All of those people feel stuck, and even one person leaving (hence you) is basically like pulling the drain plug in the bathtub. I've seen it happen multiple times, I've ridden the wave to make change, and I've even been the initiator of that wave. You become connected around you to those experiencing the pain, and suddenly your support system is gone; it's just you and Mr./Mrs. Toxic. You suddenly see the way, and also why that person left. You know you're next and need to get out fast.

It's not pleasant to hear, but it's the truth. The God's honest truth.

No one, absolutely no one wants to hear they are toxic, but sometimes the truth hurts, and you need to take care of business. Internal business inside that head of yours. Toxicity isn't a trait, it's a learned behavior, which means you can unlearn it as well.

The biggest problem is... most people with toxic traits... don't realize they're even toxic at all. Here's a few examples, taken straight from the previous section -

• Vague explanations of what to do, but very heavy consequences.
  • To a toxic person feels like just business dealings. It's a how a business operates, no big deal.
• Poor listening skills. If your leader won't listen, acknowledge, or tends to sidestep issues, that is a true sign of a toxic leader.
  • A lot of times, these folks just feel like they're right, or above others.
• Too Involved. This is not micromanaging, but rather they're involved in the direction of your team so heavily that you cannot make decisions at all.
  • A lot of these folks either feel like they're in control, they win, or that they are generally helping out, or that's what they're supposed to do.
• Numbers. Metrics, numbers, cost... yes they're important, but if they are the driving factor despite conversation, that's a problem.
  • Some folks actually believe numbers represent the true story.
• No feedback, only demands. Also known as "one way communication."
  • This is someone who believes in dynamics and authority. It's nature to them; not abuse.
• Everything is a crisis. If your leader is constantly changing priorities based on things happen, this is also a problem. It may not be specifically from your boss, but crisis is created from the top down somewhere. It might mean you're in a toxic environment rather than a toxic boss.
  • This type of person often cares a lot about what they do and what others do, resulting in panic from all sides.

You may, or may not be doing these toxic things and not even realize it. Heck, honestly I feel like if you're a toxic manager right now, you'll probably either think this is complete BS, or I am wrong, or just that nothing applies to you (yet in reality, one or multiple may apply).

My simple suggestion to you is to get feedback. Pay attention to those around you. How do they respond to you? How have they changed since you've taken over or even recently? How's productivity? What types of questions do you get? It's all very indicative of how you're doing as a manager.

If that's too much, then humble yourself at least, and ask yourself how you operate and if someone treated you that way... would you feel it appropriate?

Obviously toxic people make the culture poisoned. Even if you can't pinpoint it, you know when it feels toxic. You feel afraid to express opinions. There's more frustration than fun. There's more problems than solutions. Everything you do ends up being an effort or challenge. You feel like your career is dead. You feel like there's no way out, but there's no where to navigate. You're stuck. You always feel like you're behind, or you're wrong.

As a manager, this is a very difficult hand to be dealt. You can't control the culture, but you can control your ship that steers through it. While there may not be a lot of hope for the rest of the company, there's still hope for you if you take appropriate steps.

Great - so I need to navigate not only myself, but my folks through the same garbage culture?

In short yes. It's not quite as treacherous as you may think though. The goal you have is to be the light in the darkness. Or in business terms, set the example by doing and proving it.

I can't really give you any great examples because toxic cultures exist everywhere in many different forms.

Well hold on a sec. What if I know who and/or what the toxic culture comes from... I could get a crew to change it. I could get people on my side. I could vouch -

I'll just stop you there. Going against a system means that you're at a HUGE risk from losing your job - especially as a manager. You're valuable enough to keep, yet you're at the bottom of leader food chain as replaceable. As much as it sucks, you could succeed, but the likely outcome is that you'll be labeled a problem and off you go to unemployment land. That's your choice if you choose to take that on.

Like I said before in the toxic leader section; your best and most vocal way of rejecting the system and implementing change... is by leaving. Heck, take others with you if you can. The more people reject a culture, the more a company either fills the culture with people who feed the poison, or start making meaningful change.

If you frequent a restaurant, and you love it... then one day things start changing, the food quality goes down, service sucks, and the place seems dirty... are you going to write emails and fight for the food joint to return to it's roots? No, you will as Gordon Ramsay has said on Kitchen Nightmares, "vote with your feet" and just never go back.

Why should your job be any different?

Okay let's pull our heads out of the weeds for a second. Toxic things breed negativity. Positivity will be the thing that destroys it.

A healthy culture is one where freedom and creativity reign, guided by due dates, simple process, and critical conversations. The more rigid things are, the more you'll start dumping that waste into the pool, and next thing you know, most people are affected in some way.

A CEO once said this in a meeting and I think it's great advice.

Culture eats strategy

Every time it does. No questions needed. It may be the culture of a department, a team, a whole organization even. Once you're there though, it's a difficult path to be out of.

Managing teams and dealing with toxic employees and team dynamics; that's fixable and you can do it no problem. Dealing with toxic leaders and culture is harder to recover from. Often you just end up watching the poison drain and infect.

Make the right decision for you. If the relationship between you and your company is dead, then so let it be my friend. You cannot raise the dead, you can only put the body to rest and move on to living life.

That being said, not all situations are this. There's plenty of opportunity in all directions to make things better. It's your job to be the light where there is none. To be the counter example to the current structure. To stop the poison before it begins to infect. And finally to warn others when it's here. That's still ultimately for you to decide.

Anyhow - Good luck until the next one!