MSR #1 - What's a mental struggle?

MSR = Mental Struggle Reset. That's the terminology and the name of the series here. If this is your first article, know that there are (or will be depending on when you read this) other articles around this topic. Look for the tag if you're struggling or looking to see the things I do.

I know that in our modern society, we often overuse and abuse the terminology for mental health quite often... warping it into something that it really isn't. A mental struggle is something quite a bit more than... I don't know, feeling sad, or struggling with a decision. It's bigger, it's deeper, and it affects you in so many ways, often feeling like you're stuck.

A little fun backstory here; as I was (and honestly still am) going through a struggle, I started writing an article, hoping to help others through similar situations, since all of my normal things that pull me out of the rut just aren't working, so I started recording all of them and explaining them. I got really deep into that article, which is still in my drafts, and realized it was almost 7000 words deep, and I still wasn't done.

I didn't want to shortchange the information though. I have enough to say that I can "un-condense" the article's sections into their own categories and make a legit little series on it here on my site. So that's what I am going to do.

This first entry... what is a mental struggle? Are you actually experiencing a mental struggle, or are you stuck on something? There's a big difference here, and that's what I want to explain.

I think if you've lived a life so far, you end up at least once going through a period of mental struggle, where everything just kind of feels like it sucks, the world is working against you, and when you try to self-reflect, you just end up in a spot where misery just takes over. That is not a "pretend" or made up struggle; that is absolutely real.

I've had more periods like this than I'd really like to admit. Times where life feels pointless. Times where I lack faith. Times where everything is so confusing that I just simply shut down. Times where my opinion seems so left field from everyone else's. Times where the only person that ever texts or calls is my wife and I feel so isolated. Times where I see things happen on social media and I lose hope in humanity. Times where I reflect on my own life, and see that 3 decades have passed, and I just feel lost.

This may sound hopeless, and that's because it feels like it is. Mental struggles can come in many forms, but the consequences are undeniable. We see unfortunate deaths, violence, extreme depression, anxiety, broken relationships, job losses, and all sorts of behaviors that come as a result of struggling mentally, especially for long periods of time.

This is mentally struggling. It's dark, it's unfiltered, sometimes even uncontrolled feelings of extremes that just weigh on you. Often they are things that build over time. It might be a collection of small things destroying you. The result is always the same though... and I'll describe that as a void. It's empty. It's lonely. It feels like you aren't yourself, you belong nowhere. Sometimes it just feels like life isn't moving at all, or you're slowing disappearing. Other times it feels like nothing but a giant wave of panic and never ending work that just pressures you into a hole.

What I described may sound like depression, and it can be classified that way, but it's not always the case. However, it is important for the rest of your reading in this series to understand what a mental struggle is, because it's the foundation of understanding whether or not it will help you.

Note however, if you aren't really in a mental struggle, but just in a tough spot, a lot of this may help you as well. So don't think I am just writing you off here. As you read later articles I will write, you'll understand though that I am aiming it more at those actively struggling, not so much just those with problems or situations they find themselves in.

Welp... I just explained the difference, now it's example time. Let's say you are purchasing a new house. That's a lot of work. Preparing your old house, fighting the market, preparing yourself with money and savings, and trying to manage all of that at once. It's exhausting. During the process you may feel sad, defeated, and over time dwell into a mild depression, because your house doesn't sell, you have tons of showing, and your new house price keeps going on, making you redo your budget multiple times. It's never ending, and it feels hopeless, like it's just too much.

Here's the difference here though; this has a very clear beginning and end. This process of selling and buying a house is the source of all your current issues. It affects you deeply, and that's not something to write off. It's something you have to think about, reframe it, see the end goal, or whatever you need to do. This same thing could happen with a job, a death, a major life event, etc. - but there's something there, and it's clear that it's affecting you.

A mental struggle that I am talking about isn't that clear. Things seem fine. They could even appear as Heaven-like situations. You feel like trash though. What's the problem? I don't even have the willpower, or energy, or time to even understand it. It's something far deeper... something you'll need to find and uproot. However, that's insanely difficult when you have nothing to give to it. That's the struggle here.

Personally, I think we as a society think we can just drug ourselves back into normalcy, and I don't think that's how we're meant to exist. If I have periods of extreme anxiety, and for months I shut down, I don't leave the house, etc. - you may think "well yeah that's unhealthy, you need meds." I am certainly not opposed to having meds to help you back on your feet by any means, however we often create dependencies on them. We'll take a drug that helps us feel better in a terrible time, but without it, we just spiral. So we keep on taking it over and over again.

This then compounds problems. Not only did I not resolve my anxiety issues, but I created a physical dependency on medication that keeps my brain in line. Eventually that medication will stop taking effect, I'll spiral, and they'll put me on a different one... until it happens again. That really doesn't sound like the way we ought to live; never actually addressing the root cause.

One thing that's always surprised me was how easy it was to get these often life altering medications. You can go into a doctor's office and tell them you feel extremely depressed, and you'll get a prescription with no questions asked. I had a friend once who literally went to his primary doctor and said he had trouble staying focused, and less than 5 minutes later had a prescription for Adderall.

"I mean great, how else are we supposed to solve all these problems then?" - by actually practicing health. Let's be honest; this isn't new to medicinal practices. We have all these shots you can take at home to lose weight, but never develop healthy habits. If you have high blood pressure, but you live a sedentary lifestyle, you get BP medication. It's not uncommon for the misunderstanding of what the practice of medicine actually is most of the time; the treatment of symptoms, not the root causes. Why?

Because the root cause is often YOU. It's something YOU need to change or address. There's nothing a doctor can do except try to help you. I get kind of sad that doctors when it comes to mental health, don't have a logical process to follow here, like "oh that qualifies under 'mental issues' or something" and they send you to a therapist, who may refer you to a psychologist where you get the medication after appropriate vetting. However, at least here in America, that's up to you. You can bypass the whole process and just put yourself on meds.

Once again here, I want to make this VERY clear; I am not opposed to medication. It's a great tool, and sometimes your mental struggles have very physical root causes. A sickness, an imbalance, something that requires medication. I am not downplaying that at all. And if you are... let's say closer to death than life, then you should absolutely take the pills. We'd all rather you stay another day.

All I am saying is that I think we could work a little harder on ourselves to get better naturally if we can before we create dependencies and physical addictions. This is the reason for the series; to see if we can't work on it ourselves and get to a better place!

As humans, we're all built a little different... some far more left field than others. I happen to be one of those folks. If you've read some other articles, you'll know what it is, but for the sake here, I'll just let you guess.

What I am talking about is people who are neurodivergent. Autism, OCD, gifted, ADHD, and the list goes on. Folks on these scales here, typically don't fit neatly into society, which makes any and everything they do a little more difficult than your average Joe or Jane.

Many folks refer to these descriptions of people as "dysfunctions" however, I would consider it more along the lines of... well the world was built for the 99%, but you are the 1% it isn't built for, so naturally a good chunk of your life is fighting against the grain.

This not only makes you MORE prone to mental struggles, but it makes it infinitely more difficult to get out of one too. This is why a lot of these folks end up with handfuls of medication to take everyday. One for the autism, one for the ADHD, one for anxiety, another for depression, one for blood pressure, etc. - why? Because it helps them function in society instead of trying to build them into society in a meaningful way.

Trust me... I've experienced this first hand in so many ways that I can't describe to you in a paragraph. Just know that I am trying to help. That's all I am aiming for. Medication or not, I am here for it.

What we often fight in mental struggles in general is all the internet, friends, family, and others who give their opinion on your situation, whether they've experienced it or not. Folks are often hard headed so you get a lot of really terrible advice out there. While I can't sit here and break down all of them, here's just a few that I just hated hearing.

"Get over yourself and find happiness"

I hear this a lot from health nuts and the "fitness" folks, who somehow believe that lifting another weight will magically fix your mindset. I also hear this a lot of from older folks, who don't struggle the same way we do now. While yes, I know that discipline and effort play into our mindsets, often that's not the problem. Most of my generation at least, wasn't raised with any sort of mentality to help us solve our own issues. We are told to work harder and get over it. You should ignore this sort of phrasing and advice, even though there's some truth to it. Instead know that discipline can help.

"It's okay to feel the way you do. It's who you are"

If you don't have peace, you're miserable, and/or you're struggling, it's not who you are and you damn well know it's okay to feel that way, but not okay to live that way. Don't just accept your misery. You can change it.

"You just need to reframe your situation."

My God do I get tired of hearing this one. You feel miserable and someone is just like "count your blessings." Bob, I am well aware of my blessings. I have a gratitude journey, I still feel like garbage. "Don't think of it this way, think of it that way" - you don't think I've tried that? It's like the first thing anyone tries.

"It won't last forever"

Great. How long will it last? Days? Years? Decades? I can't just sit and do nothing dude. What if it will if something doesn't change? What if there's something I need to do? This is the most unhelpful comment ever.

I've found that a lot of people don't really have empathy, and often what they say is more defeating than it is helpful. Truthfully, you don't need advice, you need help. Most people aren't willing to give their time to help though... and that makes it so much harder to feel better. You feel isolated.

In my experience, this is kind of where you need to reset yourself. Dust off that heart and pump some electricity into it. I am by no means a therapist or have any sort of degree relating to it. This series is just some personal ways I have found to jolt life back into gear.

Note here, this is NOT an end-all be-all thing as you'll discover. Being deep in a mental struggle is a multipronged effort, one of self-reflection, energy, and intentional change to get you out of it.

It is in fact, an attempt to reset. Reset your brain. Reset your life. Reset your energy.

Once again, if this is more an emergency, please go get some help. Take the medication. Do what you need to in order for the sunlight to hit your face again. Then come back here once you're stable and work through it. We may not know who you are, but we do care, and we know you matter to someone.

Let's take a journey and try some things out. We will do it together. Stay tuned for more.